+ a beau__tiful ho___

February 28, 2009

A scar for life?

Or the love for beauty that one can't explain?

I'd choose the latter.

Since lower secondary I've always thought it was unique in its own way. Also because I wanted to be special, because no one else around me has it.

My sis had one before. She did it before letting my parents know. They were furious about it. Her body rejected it and she had to take it out. It left a scar. A scar is permanent, a scar is ugly!

Yet after all the hoo-haa, I still wanted it. I had to make sure it was the right choice and not something I'd regret doing years later. That yearning to do so took years and days of research.

1. Which material has highest successful rate of non-rejection.
2. How to care for a piercing religiously, cleaning it twice a day, knowing takes an average of 6months to a year to heal.
3. Knowing that if you accidently get anything caught in it that it hurts like hell and may rip the whole skin into 2.
4. Knowing the body may reject it and that people try to pierce them again without success of keeping it.
5. Knowing that it burns a hole in your pocket.
6. Knowing that its important to go to a proper place with experienced and qualified professionals to get it done.
7. Knowing that there are people who are against it (or maybe even some that may stereotype us as promiscuous)

As a formality, I asked my mum if I could get it. It wasn't so much of a question as to whether I could do it or not. I told her I was preparing her for that day and I'd get it no matter what her viewpoint was.

I did it for myself, not for anyone else's sake.

Like an excited child being given a puppy. I was so happy, I took good care of it. I didn't play with it much (itchy hands don't behave sometimes) and it was pretty much a smooth road to recovery.

It's been almost 11months. I'm still the proud owner of my pretty jewelled stud and I still love to play with my ball bearing everyday (I dropped and lost mine once boohoo).

And if anyone would ever ask me if there is any point in time I regret making the move, I'd answer, I love every second of it!

So to my dear girl who wants to do it, please read up - be responsible, respect your body (In this I mean being committed to clean it everyday till it heals so it won't leave ugly marks!) and never never do it for the sake of any guy. Do it because you really want it for yourself k?

-nIx- @ [[10:54 PM]]

February 20, 2009

I'm bitching right now because I'm super tired and I'm still in the office and its 12.30am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

):

I want my to hug my b cube to sleep now! ):

-nIx- @ [[12:30 AM]]

February 18, 2009

I need to start being a big girl and think about what to do in the future if things don't go as well as I wanted it to be.

I want everything to be like it was before, I want to have a happy ending, a life with nothing but my sincerest smile from the bottom of my heart every day.

I may not have been given everything I've wanted when I was growing up but it moulded me to be a decent human, satisfied with life but for now, I'd spend up to my last bit of energy, up to my last breathfor you baby. I really need you. I can't go on without you.

-nIx- @ [[11:48 PM]]

February 08, 2009

Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

I cried out heaven save me
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking
Maybe six feet
Ain’t so far down

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there’s something left for me
So please come stay with me
‘Cause I still believe there’s something left for you and me

-nIx- @ [[7:56 AM]]

; i don't try to die, i die trying

My mum always tells me that everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes we find out that what we wanted isn't what we wanted in the end.

Sometimes things in life happen that prevents us from following our intended course.

Sometimes fate takes precedence and takes your happiness away.

Sometimes blood is thicker than water, and I am water ; I am like a teardrop, Booted and abandoned by the helpless girl who's crying. Insignificant and with nowhere to go.

I am so afraid. So afraid of what lies ahead.

I pictured a perfect life ahead, one with much happiness where I can leave everything behind.

-nIx- @ [[7:56 AM]]

Newest addition to the VIP family who has access to my bed. B Cube aka big baby bear!

Time to slp~

-nIx- @ [[7:56 AM]]

In this realm there are so many different levels of happiness.

Nix is contented and has all her new year resolutions nearly accomplished! (:

And just when she's got 4digits in her bank (like, FINALLY after overspending every single month for the past 8 months), it's gonna disappear again real soon to make way for my big toy. POOF!

I have never been so dead serious about things in life but this is one of the things I've paid for, every single cent of it, using my own money. Overlooking the fact my parents refuse to part with even a penny on it, I still prefer having to work hard for this. At least I'd really appreciate it and no matter how much criticism I've received from pursuing this, I still think this is one of the extraordinary things I've done in my lifetime and will not live to regret.

And so, yesterday marks the end of the super stressful lesson 7 which I finally passed after my 6th attempt.

TP, here I come! I am just waiting for Monday to ask the manager if I can take leave. Difficult but nevertheless, I want it and I'm even willing to work OT till late or come back on weekends to cover up for the time missed!

Yes, I am thinking so far ahead, eyeing my new toy already. (:

Cars don't fascinate me as much.

-nIx- @ [[7:56 AM]]

February 04, 2009

Getting busier and busier day after day.

Today I ended work at 9.30pm. I don't even have the time to have a good lunch and rest for awhile before getting back to work but all in all I'm satisfied because I cleared most of my outstanding matters for the remaining companies.

And when I'm free I think about happy memories and people I can't live without (:

-nIx- @ [[11:32 PM]]